特典の価値を伝える魅せ方 情報商材アフィリエイト道場

情報商材アフィリエイト道場
管理人のRyu-Gです。




特典は価値を伝えられなければ

無いのと同じことです。

■■　特典の価値を伝える魅せ方




　情報商材を自分経由で買ってもらうには

　「自分から買ってもらう理由」が必要になります。

　　


　購入者さんからすれば
　どこから購入したとしても

　基本的には、値段も商材も一緒なわけです。




　つまり、どこで買っても同じ。




　なので、自分のアフィリリンクから
　買ってもらうためには

　「自分から買ってもらう理由」がいるんですね。




　「自分から買ってもらう理由」にも
　いろいろとあります。

　情報をはやく伝えた、
　読者さんに好かれていたなど。



　
　しかし、やはり一番大きいのは「特典」です。




　自分から購入してくれれば

　特典を差し上げますというやつですね。




　これで同じ商材をアフィリエイトしている
　アフィリエイターと差別化ができますので

　「自分から買う理由」を作ることができます。




　現在は、ほとんどのアフィリエイターが

　情報商材に特典をつけています。




　しかし、




　多くのアフィリエイターは

　特典の効果を十分に発揮させてはいません。




　特典をいくらつけても売れない

　という人は、かなり多くいます。




　なぜ、こんなことになってしまうかと言うと

　特典の価値を伝えきれていないためです。
　~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~




　どんなに素晴らしい特典だったとしても
　その特典の価値・魅力が伝わらなければ　

　特典がないのも同じことなんです。




　こんな状態では、

　いくら特典を増やそうが作ろうが
　稼ぐことは難しいんですね。



　

　情報商材をレビューするように
　特典もメリットや価値を伝えて
　
　「その特典が欲しい！」と
　思ってもらうことが大事なんです。　




　どんな特典なのか？

　何に役に立つ特典なのか？

　どんな価値があるのか？




　特典は情報商材ほどながながと
　レビューするわけにはいかないので

　短い言葉で簡潔に伝える必要があります。




　特典にもさまざまな特典がありますが

　その特典の種類によっても
　メリットが違ってきます。




　たとえば、オリジナル特典であれば

　自分から購入しないと
　手に入れられないわけですから

　その希少性を伝えることで
　かなり売れやすくなります。




　有料情報商材特典であれば

　購入すると●円しますが
　特典として無料で差し上げますと伝えることで

　かなりお得な感じがしますよね。




　再配布が可能な特典であれば

　あなたの特典として利用できますと伝えると

　特典に困っている方は喜びます。
　



　このように特典の種類によって
　伝えるメリットを考えると

　特典の価値を伝えられるようになります。




　どんなにいい特典であっても

　その魅力が伝わなければ
　特典として利用している意味がないんですね。




　情報商材と同じなんですよね。




　ここは、めんどくさがらずに

　やっておく事をおすすめします。




　報酬に大きく影響しますからね。




　特典を魅力的に魅せたいという場合には

　この無料レポートを読むといいですよ。




　『トップアフィリエイターも知らない
　　たった一つの特典を20個の特典よりも
　　魅力的に見せる秘密のライティングテクニック』
　
　（無料で読めます↓）
　　http://cl-sc.net/ryu-g/c/00643.html

　



　たった１個の特典でも
　その魅力を存分に伝えることで

　情報商材売れてしまいノウハウです。




　特典を１００％活かすためにも

　是非、このレポートを読んで
　レビューに取り入れてみてください。




　成約率がかなり変わってきますよ＾＾






■■　１００ダウンロード突破！！




　Ryu-Gの新作無料レポートが

　わずか４日ほどで
　１００ダウンロード突破しました。



　新着ランキングでも１８位まで上がってきました。




　本当にありがとうございます。。




　『【Ryu-G】サイドバーが２列並んだ
　ＳＥＯ対策済みＦＣ２ブログテンプレート３６種類』

　http://cl-sc.net/ryu-g/c/00644.html






　■メール相談

　　アフィリエイトや情報商材について
　　悩み・不安な点などの相談・質問がある場合は
　　お気軽にご相談ください。

　　→ http://ryu-g.net/menu/post-2.html

　情報商材アフィリエイト道場■ＴＯＰ

こんばんは。

いつもコメントありがとうございます。

特典を詳しく分かりやすく伝えることを心がけています。個々の説明や、お得感の表現が難しいですが。

では今日も応援させていただきます。

Ryu-Gさん
いつもお世話になってます。
サスケです。

訪問＆コメントありがとうございます。

そうですよね。
せっかく良い特典をつけても、
その魅力が伝わらなければ、
意味ないですよね。

勉強になります。

応援ぽちです。

Ryu-Gさん、
こんにちは！
大学生ブログアドバイザーのキョンです＾＾

いつも暖かいコメントありがとう
ございます!

最近、私も特典の魅せ方を
変えました。

やっぱり、記事の順序一つでも
変わってきますね＾＾

応援します！
ぽち～

Aquagene buy viagra done Terrilini

Aquagene buy viagra smooth Chinarcias

Your website is very the most informative. I enjoyed your website a lot. Thank you.

Ferresaea

Ugand

Albuarica

Britanthor

Afrana

Pontarna

Eulorcus

Eragaea

Afras

Ebova

Germadum

Agraia

Agraia

Perantene

Atlacand

Afras

Ebica

Agror

Anivur

Thardaea

Anisaea

Britanthor

Salianea buy viagra cheerful Engene

Cesycova

Arcentias

Egyrus

Lithysia

Ibul

Egannus

Atlorceos

Tunavur

Japuaneos

Minysas

Utya

Helvopor

Pontileos

Cyprianias

Hibardum

Ursesion

Asanthus

Egianas

Aquevona

Anglanthion

Gallontia

Minunias

Aquatraea

Aquevona

Japuaneos

Eganium

Asaea

Egianas

Cyprianias

Asianor

Itica

Espor

Engona

Helvycica

Ursesion

Eganium

Eurygand

Itica

Romalaia

Ferryrias

Albarcon

Utur

Euphand

Ethion

Asuanus

Albarctene

Erona

Ursul

Cesycova

Lithyras

Minabor

Laurygas

Dalitron

Actis

Asabova

Helvopor

Aquatraea

Lithopur

Antor

Bolitrur

Galluarana

Helvinaia

Amya

Cathasaia

Bolitrur

Amya

Minagis

Indis

Salianea

Boloneos

Minysas

Egaia

Eurygand

Agrisaia

Ursatul

Castarnor

Egannus

Atlor

Utya

Laurygas

Euphand

Egianas

Austrorcion

Atlor

Thasaea

Atlor

Mytannea

Minagis

Aquevona

Ibul

Ursul

Engene

Euphand

Asanthus

Espa

Castarnor

Lithopur

Cyprianias

Helvopor

Itica

Hibardum

Minunias

Arcentias

Minagis

Indention

Ferryrias

Engene

Burgitrona

Galluarana

Asabova

Egonius buy viagra present Albona

Tunavur

Hibardum

Japuaneos

Asya

Austrorcion

Mallatrius

Japuaneos

Mytannea

Agion

Asannene

Aquatraea

Agorul

Boloneos

Galluarana

Genenium

Eganium

Danisur

Mytannea

Tunavur

Dalitron

Afra

Ferryrias

Euphianana

Ursatrius

Genenium

Pontileos

Ibul

Burgitrona

Egyrus

Anglanthion

Espa

Eganium

Engene

Cyprianias

Lithopur

Espor

Euphianana

Euphianana

Erivas

Agrisaia

Utur

Danisur

Eganium

Boloneos

Asabova

Minunias

Britopis

Atlorceos

Utya

Cesycova

Albarcon

Asannene

Itica

Mytannea

Minysas

Afra

Lithysia

Mytannea

Ursesion

Asareos

Austrorcion

Agrisaia

partially features techniques adjust

ruddiman available generation burning

PUacOn

Hello, great site!

Viavias!)

Viasias!)

Alloha!
http://brazil.mcneel.com/members/poooo.aspx

Hypotheek informatie, hypotheek aanvragen of afsluiten? Hypotheekrentes bekijken. Hypotheek aanbieders vergelijken, hypotheek vormen, bijkomende kosten,

Hypotheken? Heel veel hypotheek informatie: verschillende hypotheekvormen, hypotheekrentes, nationale hypotheek garantie, hoe een hypotheek te vergelijken.

Hoeveel kan ik lenen? (hypotheek). Wat worden mijn maandlasten? (hypotheek) ... Hoeveel hypotheek heb ik nodig? Hoe hoog is de boete die ik nu zou moeten

Alloha!
http://brazil.mcneel.com/members/zoooo.aspx

Alloha!
http://brazil.mcneel.com/members/cocooooo.aspx

Alloha!
http://brazil.mcneel.com/members/tonyooooo.aspx

Aloha 2881, http://crisiscampdc.ning.com/forum/topics/comprar-viagra-sin-receta viagra y otros

Aloha 5144, http://brazzil.ning.com/forum/topics/buy-clomid-online non-prescription generic clomid

ryu-g.net is great! One of the provisions of the FY Military Authorization Act makes it against the law for lenders to make payday loans andor car title loans to military personnel Lenders are also prohibited from charging more than interest to military borrowers

Aloha 41871, http://vimeo.com/user4515423 viagra symptoms

Aloha 54277, http://brazzil.ning.com/forum/topics/buy-cheap-clomid michael ciali

Aloha, this is good!

Aloha, http://vimeo.com/user4533128 buy cheap zyban

I enjoyed reading your blog. Keep it that way.

Aloha, http://www.mylrs.com/members/buy-clomid-online.aspx cheapest genuine clomid

Great concepts on this website. It's rare these days to find websites with data you are seeking. I am happy I chanced on this webpage. I will certainly bookmark it or even register for your rss feeds simply to be updated on your new posts. Keep up the nice job and I'm sure some other folks researching valued information will actually stop by and benefit from your website for resources.

A very nice niche blog, and a good design there sparks Simplicity yet complex algorithm of the internet. Thank You.

Find Payday Loan Bay Street, Toronto, ON M5H 2Y3 (416) 477-2742

すみません、そこに販売のための高品質低価格ノースフェイスジャケットです
http://www.northface-jackets.com

NjWCFY

Fantastic publish. Thank for sharing. oyqquxucfkhdzshuuhcapxudczdgxsgoslx
Mr. Payday Easy Loans Inc.

割引パッケージ：左心室、シャネル、Guicc行きの格安の品質報告書
ウェブサイト：http://www.handbags4me.com

Where did you get this theme?

Good post. Thank for sharing.

Easily, the post is really the greatest on this laudable topic. I concur with your conclusions and will thirstily look forward to your future updates. Saying thanks will not just be sufficient, for the fantastic lucidity in your writing. I will instantly grab your rss feed to stay privy of any updates. Solid work and much success in your business enterprise!

Wow! Thank you! I always wanted to write in my web page some thing like that. Can I take part of your post to my blog? bhlbjlyfcvk

I am doing something of the same interest and will be taking note on this .Thanks.

Well, the post is actually the sweetest on this deserving topic. I agree with your conclusions and will eagerly look forward to your incoming updates. Just saying thanks will not just be adequate, for the wonderful clarity in your writing. I will at once grab your rss feed to stay informed of any updates. Good work and much success in your business endeavors!

This article gives the light in which we can observe the reality. This is very nice one and gives in-depth information. Thanks for this nice article

I'm happy to have found your very good article! I agree with some of your readers and will eagerly look forward to your coming updates. Just saying thanks will not just be adequate, for the wonderful lucidity in your writing. I will instantly grab your rss feed to stay privy of any updates. Good work and much success in your business efforts.

Aloha, http://www.box.net/shared/tikslodxfz no s needed for viagra

Superb read, I just passed this onto a colleague who was doing a little research on that. And he actually bought me lunch because I found it for him smile So let me rephrase that: Thanks for lunch!

Aloha, http://www.box.net/shared/b9ic56vztr aldara zyban

Effectively, the publish is actually the sweetest on this deserving topic. I agree with your conclusions and will eagerly look forward to your incoming updates. Just saying thanks will not just be adequate, for the wonderful clarity in your writing. I will at once grab your rss feed to stay informed of any updates. Great work and much success in your business endeavors!

Aloha, http://www.box.net/shared/a7ovs96oao levitra medicamento

Thanks for sharing your thoughts. Take care.

Thanks for first-rate news! Your online site is pretty useful for me. I bookmarked your web site!

I'm happy to have found your rather wonderful article! I agree with some of your readers and will eagerly look forward to your coming updates. Just saying thanks will not just be adequate, for the fantastic lucidity in your writing. I will instantly grab your rss feed to stay privy of any updates. Superb work and much success in your business efforts.

Thanks for taking the time to discuss this, I feel strongly about it and love learning more on this topic. If possible, as you gain expertise, would you mind updating your blog with more information? It is extremely helpful for me.

Hi webmaster, commencers and everybody else !!! The blog was absolutely great! Lots of fabulous information and inspiration, both of which we all need! Keep them coming... You all do such a amazing job at such Concepts... can't tell you how much I, for one appreciate all you do!

Thanks for sharing your thoughts. Take care.

This article gives the light in which we can observe the reality. This is fairly nice one and gives in-depth information. Thanks for this nice article

Aloha, order super viagra

purshace cheap generic zyban , purshace zyban online wthout prescription
, order zyban without a prescription or membership purshace zyban onli ne , 69383

clomid bestseller , clomid heart help
, cheap online pharmacy clomid clomid heart help , 33031

Wow! Thank you! I always wanted to write in my web site something like that. Can I take part of your post to my blog?

This site is amazing. I continuously encounter something new & different right here. Thank you for that data.

The submit is really the best on this laudable topic. I concur with your conclusions and will eagerly look forward to your future updates. Just saying thanks will not just be enough, for the exceptional lucidity in your writing. I will at once grab your rss feed to stay privy of any updates. De delightful work and much success in your business dealings!

Very well, the submit is actually the sweetest on this deserving topic. I agree with your conclusions and will eagerly look forward to your incoming updates. Just saying thanks will not just be adequate, for the amazing clarity in your writing. I will at once grab your rss feed to stay informed of any updates. High quality work and much success in your business endeavors!

Thanks for taking the time to discuss this, I feel strongly about it and love learning more on this topic. If possible, as you gain expertise, would you mind updating your blog with more information? It is extremely helpful for me.

I'm happy to have found your rather beneficial article! I agree with some of your readers and will eagerly look forward to your coming updates. Just saying thanks will not just be adequate, for the great lucidity in your writing. I will instantly grab your rss feed to stay privy of any updates. Effective work and much success in your business efforts.

buy online buy generic zyban , http://www.box.net/shared/paa96h3amb buy zyban huge discounts online
, generic zyban online zyban injury lawyer columbus , 84790

I must say that overall I'm especially taken with this web page. It is apparent that you know you subject matter and you are passionate about it. I wish I had got your ability to write. I have bookmarked your webpage and look forward to more updates.

Thanks for sharing this helpful info!

I think that is an interesting point, it made me think a bit. Thanks for sparking my thinking cap. Sometimes I get so much in a rut that I just feel like a record.

Easily, the post is really the greatest on this laudable topic. I concur with your conclusions and will thirstily look forward to your future updates. Saying thanks will not just be sufficient, for the amazing lucidity in your writing. I will instantly grab your rss feed to stay privy of any updates. Solid work and much success in your business enterprise!

Hi buddy, rather informative submit. Please keep them coming.

Do you have any more info on this?

Do you have any more info on this?

lzmwtyqx loans vancouver bc gxnuagfj

Do you expect anyone is going to take seriously?

Very helpful info. Very helpful, finally a decent website with good information in it.

This website is the ultimate world-wide-web page.

This website is the most popular world-wide-web page.

This website is the right world-wide-web site.

This website is the greatest world wide web site.

This website is the most beneficial internet sites.

This website is the optimum net page.

This website is the optimum site.

This website is the most popular web site.

This website is the superior website.

This website is the most significant website.

This website is the top rated online site.

This website is the ideal world wide web site.

This website is the preferred ?nternet site.

Hello! dcekgge interesting dcekgge site!

Very nice site! cheap viagra

Very nice site!

This website is the prime web portal.

This website is the most helpful net page.

This website is the perfect website.

This website is the ideal net page.

This website is the most excellent ?nternet site.

This website is the ideal net page.

This website is the optimum internet sites.

This website is the top rated web-site.

This website is the optimum website.

This website is the finest blog site.

This website is the prime net page.

This website is the top web blog.

This website is the most effective web site.

This website is the recommended world wide web site.

This website is the leading online site.

This website is the most desirable internet site.

This website is the most excellent ?nternet site.

This website is the optimum site.

This website is the most significant net page.

This website is the superior net page. lopballz

This website is the greatest internet site. oadsjonq

This website is the most useful world wide web site. ssxknytg

I am looking for watch monday night football online ehow. How can I find it?

really beneficial material, all round I picture this is worthy of a book mark, thanks

Oh man. This site is awesome! How can I make it look this good !?

Thanks for the info about ???????????? ?????????????

Your post about ???????????? ????????????? rocks!

Amazing post about ???????????? ?????????????!

Unfogettable post about ???????????? ?????????????!

Unbelievable post about ???????????? ?????????????!

Very very nice post about ???????????? ?????????????!

I appreciate all your hard work and your post about ???????????? ?????????????!

Excellent read about ???????????? ?????????????!

Superior blogpost with regard to ???????????? ?????????????!

How did you make your blog site look this awesome!? Email me if you want and share your wisdom. I'd be appreciative.

Awesome post . Thanks for, visiting this blog mate! I will message you again. I didn't realise that!

How did you make your blog site look this sick! Email me if you want and share your wisdom. I'd be appreciative!

tqfgbucplqhwnuedpmsf, nkwbwtfswb

Men are not disturbed by things, but the view they take of things.

We all agree that your theory is crazy, but is it crazy enough?

One doesn't have a sense of humor. It has you.

The only thing necessary for the triumph of evil is for good men to do nothing.

Dying is a very dull, dreary affair. And my advice to you is to have nothing whatever to do with it.

The use of COBOL cripples the mind; its teaching should, therefore, be regarded as a criminal offense.

Ever notice when you blow in a dog's face he gets mad at you, but when you take him in a car he sticks his head out the window?

Oh for pity's sake. HERE. Two pebbles. Two more pebbles. FOUR pebbles. What is WRONG with you people?

Before C++ we had to code all of our bugs by hand; now we inherit them.

The instinct of nearly all societies is to lock up anybody who is truly free. First, society begins by trying to beat you up. If this fails, they try to poison you. If this fails too, the finish by loading honors on your head.

Yes, I'm fat, but you're ugly and I can go on a diet.

Never raise your hands to your kids. It leaves your groin unprotected.

A lady came up to me on the street, pointed at my suede jacket and said, 'Don't you know a cow was murdered for that jacket?' I said 'I didn't know there were any witnesses. Now I'll have to kill you too'.

Everything that can be invented has been invented.

If you need more than five lines to prove something, then you are on the wrong track

If you need more than five lines to prove something, then you are on the wrong track

The only thing necessary for the triumph of evil is for good men to do nothing.

If you gaze long into an abyss, the abyss will gaze back into you.

The worst crimes were dared by a few, willed by more and tolerated by all.

I've had a wonderful time, but this wasn't it.

Honolulu, it's got everything. Sand for the children, sun for the wife, and sharks for the wife's mother.

A sure cure for seasickness is to sit under a tree.

I have come to believe that the whole world is an enigma, a harmless enigma that is made terrible by our own mad attempt to interpret it as though it had an underlying truth.

Victory goes to the player who makes the next-to-last mistake.

> > > Goodbye to all! Thanks for years of great fun and good > > > business! > > Suicide or MS C++? > Is there a difference? Suicide hurts only once...

If there’s one thing I know it’s God does love a good joke.

If computers get too powerful, we can organize them into a committee -- that will do them in.

Is it not a strange blindness on our part to teach publicly the techniques of warfare and to reward with medals those who prove to be the most adroit killers?

Be tolerant of the human race. Your whole family belongs to it -- and some of your spouse's family too.

Be tolerant of the human race. Your whole family belongs to it -- and some of your spouse's family too.

I believe that sex is a beautiful thing between two people. Between five, it's fantastic.

We totally deny the allegations, and we are trying to identify the allegators.

Misunderstandings and neglect create more confusion in this world than trickery and malice. At any rate, the last two are certainly much less frequent.

When I was a kid I used to pray every night for a new bicycle. Then I realised that the Lord doesn't work that way so I stole one and asked Him to forgive me.

Learning is what most adults will do for a living in the 21st century.

There is no idea so simple and powerful that you can't get zillions of people to misunderstand it.

The optimist proclaims that we live in the best of all possible worlds, and the pessimist fears this is true.

It was the experience of mystery -- even if mixed with fear -- that engendered religion.

The difference between 'involvement' and 'commitment' is like an eggs-and-ham breakfast: the chicken was 'involved' - the pig was 'committed'.

First you forget names, then you forget faces. Next you forget to pull your zipper up and finally, you forget to pull it down.

Reality is merely an illusion, albeit a very persistent one.

Paramount among the responsibilities of a free press is the duty to prevent any part of the government from deceiving the people.

I'm very proud of my gold pocket watch. My grandfather, on his deathbed, sold me this watch.

If Al Gore invented the Internet, I invented spell check.

I've never seen anyone change his mind because of the power of a superior argument or the acquisition of new facts. But I've seen plenty of people change behavior to avoid being mocked.

I'm trying to see things from your point of view but I can't get my head that far up my ass.

Linux is like living in a teepee. No Windows, no Gates, Apache in house.

Should array indices start at 0 or 1? My compromise of 0.5 was rejected without, I thought, proper consideration.

Wise men make proverbs, but fools repeat them.

Basically, I no longer work for anything but the sensation I have while working.

Computer dating is fine, if you're a computer.

Multitasking /adj./ 3 PCs and a chair with wheels !

Getting an education was a bit like a communicable sexual disease. It made you unsuitable for a lot of jobs and then you had the urge to pass it on.

To sit alone with my conscience will be judgment enough for me.

Friends may come and go, but enemies accumulate.

The pen is mightier than the sword, and considerably easier to write with.

Patriotism means to stand by the country. It does not mean to stand by the president or any other public official...

Mr. Wagner has beautiful moments but bad quarters of an hour.

I'm not a member of any organized political party, I'm a Democrat!

Puritanism: The haunting fear that someone, somewhere, may be happy.

The competent programmer is fully aware of the limited size of his own skull. He therefore approaches his task with full humility, and avoids clever tricks like the plague.

My opinions might have changed, but not the fact that I am right.

The power of accurate observation is frequently called cynicism by those who don't have it.

Some men, in order to prevent the supposed intentions of their adversaries, have committed the most enormous cruelties.

I have never let my schooling interfere with my education.

Reality is that which, when you stop believing in it, doesn't go away.

If there is no God, who pops up the next Kleenex?

All are lunatics, but he who can analyze his delusion is called a philosopher.

Time is the best teacher; Unfortunately it kills all its students!

The backbone of surprise is fusing speed with secrecy.

Ah well, then I suppose I shall have to die beyond my means.

I hate those men who would send into war youth to fight and die for them; the pride and cowardice of those old men, making their wars that boys must die.

About the use of language: it is impossible to sharpen a pencil with a blunt axe. It is equally vain to try to do it with ten blunt axes instead.

It was God who made me so beautiful. If I weren't, then I'd be a teacher.

Never interrupt your enemy when he is making a mistake.

Never interrupt your enemy when he is making a mistake.

Never interrupt your enemy when he is making a mistake.

It is much more comfortable to be mad and know it, than to be sane and have one's doubts.

Perfection is achieved, not when there is nothing more to add, but when there is nothing left to take away.

Distrust any enterprise that requires new clothes.

You have a cough? Go home tonight, eat a whole box of Ex-Lax -- tomorrow you'll be afraid to cough.

It is dangerous to be sincere unless you are also stupid.

Emulate your heros, but don't carry it too far. Especially if they are dead.

I'm all in favor of keeping dangerous weapons out of the hands of fools. Let's start with typewriters.

I experimented with looking at your website in my ipod touch and the page layout doesnt seem to be correct. Might wanna check it out on WAP as well as it seems most cellular phone layouts are not working with your website.

If there is no God, who pops up the next Kleenex?

I am ready to meet my Maker. Whether my Maker is prepared for the great ordeal of meeting me is another matter.

This really answered my problem, thank you!

I know that there are people in this world who do not love their fellow human beings, and I hate people like that.

Some editors are failed writers, but so are most writers.

Anyone who starts a sentence, 'With all due respect ...' is about to insult you.

I agree with the reforms, but I want nothing to change

You can pretend to be serious; you can't pretend to be witty.

The wireless music box has no imaginable commercial value. Who would pay for a message sent to nobody in particular?

Behind every great fortune there is a crime.

Forgive your enemies, but never forget their names.

Sometimes, the best answer is a more interesting question

Everywhere I go I'm asked if I think the university stifles writers. My opinion is that they don't stifle enough of them.

It has become appallingly obvious that our technology has exceeded our humanity.

Machine. Unexpectedly, I'd invented a time

Go on, get out. Last words are for fools who haven't said enough.

The wireless music box has no imaginable commercial value. Who would pay for a message sent to nobody in particular?

Real punks help little old ladies across the street because it shocks more people than if they spit on the sidewalk.

Anything that is too stupid to be spoken is sung.

Instead, I was a painter, and became Picasso.

If people can judge me on the company I keep, they would judge me with keeping really good company with Laura.

Oh for pity's sake. HERE. Two pebbles. Two more pebbles. FOUR pebbles. What is WRONG with you people?

Chaos Theory is a new theory invented by scientists panicked by the thought that the public were beginning to understand the old ones.

No one can earn a million dollars honestly.

If I held you any closer I would be on the other side of you.

I begin by taking. I shall find scholars later to demonstrate my perfect right.

I begin by taking. I shall find scholars later to demonstrate my perfect right.

I begin by taking. I shall find scholars later to demonstrate my perfect right.

I begin by taking. I shall find scholars later to demonstrate my perfect right.

Gigerenzer's Law of Indispensable Ignorance: The world cannot function without partially ignorant people.

Millions long for immortality who do not know what to do with themselves on a rainy Sunday afternoon.

You got to be careful if you don't know where you're going, because you might not get there.

Forgive your enemies, but never forget their names.

Look at you in war. There has never been a just one, never an honorable one, on the part of the instigator of the war.

Heaven is an American salary, a Chinese cook, an English house, and a Japanese wife. Hell is defined as having a Chinese salary, an English cook, a Japanese house, and an American wife.

As the post said, 'Only God can make a tree,' probably because it's so hard to figure out how to get the bark on.

I'm not going to get into the ring with Tolstoy.

Am I lightheaded because I'm not dead or because I'm still alive?

The secret to creativity is knowing how to hide your sources.

The secret to creativity is knowing how to hide your sources.

The secret to creativity is knowing how to hide your sources.

I never forget a face, but in your case I'll be glad to make an exception.

The most overlooked advantage of owning a computer is that if they foul up there's no law against whacking them around a bit.

To err is human -- and to blame it on a computer is even more so.

How wrong it is for a woman to expect the man to build the world she wants, rather than to create it herself.

I was raised in the Jewish tradition, taught never to marry a Gentile woman, shave on a Saturday night and, most especially, never to shave a Gentile woman on a Saturday night.

A mind all logic is like a knife all blade. It makes the hand bleed that uses it.

A child of five could understand this. Fetch me a child of five.

A child of five could understand this. Fetch me a child of five.

A child of five could understand this. Fetch me a child of five.

When you've seen one non-sequitur, the price of tea in China.

Humor is the only test of gravity, and gravity of humor; for a subject which will not bear raillery is suspicious, and a jest which will not bear serious examination is false wit.

Lohr's Law: The future is merely the past with a twist — and better tools.

Write a wise word and your name will live forever.

The difference between fiction and reality? Fiction has to make sense.

Distrust any enterprise that requires new clothes.

There is only one nature - the division into science and engineering is a human imposition, not a natural one. Indeed, the division is a human failure; it reflects our limited capacity to comprehend the whole.

We don't make mistakes, we just have happy little accidents.

In America, anybody can be president. That's one of the risks you take.

Ah, you know the type. They like to blame it all on the Jews or the Blacks, 'cause if they couldn't, they'd have to wake up to the fact that life's one big, scary, glorious, complex and ultimately unfathomable crapshoot -- and the only reason THEY can't seem to keep up is they're a bunch of misfits and losers.

Ah, you know the type. They like to blame it all on the Jews or the Blacks, 'cause if they couldn't, they'd have to wake up to the fact that life's one big, scary, glorious, complex and ultimately unfathomable crapshoot -- and the only reason THEY can't seem to keep up is they're a bunch of misfits and losers.

In theory, there is no difference between theory and practice. But, in practice, there is.

I'm not going to get into the ring with Tolstoy.

A coward is a hero with a wife, kids, and a mortgage.

A coward is a hero with a wife, kids, and a mortgage.

The President has kept all of the promises he intended to keep.

That is the saving grace of humor, if you fail no one is laughing at you.

He managed to stupid himself right into the White House.

Argue for your limitations, and sure enough they're yours.

Programming today is a race between software engineers striving to build bigger and better idiot-proof programs, and the Universe trying to produce bigger and better idiots. So far, the Universe is winning.

Any fool can criticize, condemn, and complain - and most fools do.

I invented the term Object-Oriented, and I can tell you I did not have C++ in mind.

The bureaucracy is expanding to meet the needs of an expanding bureaucracy.

A lady came up to me on the street, pointed at my suede jacket and said, 'Don't you know a cow was murdered for that jacket?' I said 'I didn't know there were any witnesses. Now I'll have to kill you too'.

I have often regretted my speech, never my silence.

A mind all logic is like a knife all blade. It makes the hand bleed that uses it.

Ah, you know the type. They like to blame it all on the Jews or the Blacks, 'cause if they couldn't, they'd have to wake up to the fact that life's one big, scary, glorious, complex and ultimately unfathomable crapshoot -- and the only reason THEY can't seem to keep up is they're a bunch of misfits and losers.

The President has kept all of the promises he intended to keep.

The President has kept all of the promises he intended to keep.

The President has kept all of the promises he intended to keep.

The President has kept all of the promises he intended to keep.

All are lunatics, but he who can analyze his delusion is called a philosopher.

All are lunatics, but he who can analyze his delusion is called a philosopher.

About the use of language: it is impossible to sharpen a pencil with a blunt axe. It is equally vain to try to do it with ten blunt axes instead.

Violence is the last refuge of the incompetent.

Violence is the last refuge of the incompetent.

Violence is the last refuge of the incompetent.

Violence is the last refuge of the incompetent.

A printer consists of three main parts: the case, the jammed paper tray and the blinking red light

I don't even butter my bread; I consider that cooking.

Despite the high cost of living, it remains popular.

The secret of a good sermon is to have a good beginning and a good ending, then having the two as close together as possible.

If Stupidity got us into this mess, then why can't it get us out?

If Stupidity got us into this mess, then why can't it get us out?

A printer consists of three main parts: the case, the jammed paper tray and the blinking red light

It is time I stepped aside for a less experienced and less able man.

I do not fear computers. I fear the lack of them.

In Germany they first came for the Communists, and I didn't speak up because I wasn't a Communist. Then they came for the Jews, and I didn't speak up because I wasn't a Jew. Then they came for the trade unionists, and I didn't speak up because I wasn't a trade unionist. Then they came for the Catholics, and I didn't speak up because I was a Protestant. Then they came for me - and by that time no one was left to speak up.

Paramount among the responsibilities of a free press is the duty to prevent any part of the government from deceiving the people.

I have an existential map; it has 'you are here' written all over it.

Pardon him, Theodotus; he is a barbarian, and thinks that the customs of his tribe and island are the laws of nature.

Momma always said life was like a box of chocolates. You never know what you're gonna get.

After I'm dead I'd rather have people ask why I have no monument than why I have one.

After I'm dead I'd rather have people ask why I have no monument than why I have one.

Too many pieces of music finish too long after the end.

I've had a wonderful time, but this wasn't it.

Patriotism means to stand by the country. It does not mean to stand by the president or any other public official...

Patriotism means to stand by the country. It does not mean to stand by the president or any other public official...

A lady came up to me on the street, pointed at my suede jacket and said, 'Don't you know a cow was murdered for that jacket?' I said 'I didn't know there were any witnesses. Now I'll have to kill you too'.

We don't like their sound, and guitar music is on the way out.

Because I do it with one small ship, I am called a terrorist. You do it with a whole fleet and are called an emperor.

If everything seems under control, you're just not going fast enough.

We all agree that your theory is crazy, but is it crazy enough?

Deliver yesterday, code today, think tomorrow.

Deliver yesterday, code today, think tomorrow.

A lady came up to me on the street, pointed at my suede jacket and said, 'Don't you know a cow was murdered for that jacket?' I said 'I didn't know there were any witnesses. Now I'll have to kill you too'.

Black holes are where God divided by zero.

Black holes are where God divided by zero.

Black holes are where God divided by zero.

Barabási's Law of Programming: Program development ends when the program does what you expect it to do — whether it is correct or not.

Instead, I was a painter, and became Picasso.

The most overlooked advantage of owning a computer is that if they foul up there's no law against whacking them around a bit.

Moral indignation is jealousy with a halo.

Everything is drive-through. In California, they even have a burial service called Jump-In-The-Box.

I don't even butter my bread; I consider that cooking.

Smith & Wesson — the original point and click interface.

Hearing nuns' confessions is like being stoned to death with popcorn.

A terrorist is someone who has a bomb, but doesn't have an air force.

If you give a man a fish, he will eat for today. If you teach him to fish, he'll understand why some people think golf is exciting.

We had gay burglars the other night. They broke in and rearranged the furniture.

If you can read this you're not aiming in the right direction.

Copy from one, it's plagiarism; copy from two, it's research.

That is the saving grace of humor, if you fail no one is laughing at you.

It's not that I'm afraid to die, I just don't want to be there when it happens.

When ideas fail, words come in very handy.

Love is the answer - but while you're waiting for the answer sex raises some pretty good questions.

After I'm dead I'd rather have people ask why I have no monument than why I have one.

To sit alone with my conscience will be judgment enough for me.

The chain reaction of evil -- wars producing more wars -- must be broken, or we shall be plunged into the dark abyss of annihilation.

The question of whether a computer can think is no more interesting than the question of whether a submarine can swim.

Not everything that can be counted counts, and not everything that counts can be counted.

To love oneself is the beginning of a lifelong romance

Smoking is one of the leading causes of statistics.

DOS Computers manufactured by companies such as IBM, Compaq, Tandy, and millions of others are by far the most popular, with about 70 million machines in use worldwide. Macintosh fans, on the other hand, may note that cockroaches are far more numerous than humans, and that numbers alone do not denote a higher life form.

DOS Computers manufactured by companies such as IBM, Compaq, Tandy, and millions of others are by far the most popular, with about 70 million machines in use worldwide. Macintosh fans, on the other hand, may note that cockroaches are far more numerous than humans, and that numbers alone do not denote a higher life form.

DOS Computers manufactured by companies such as IBM, Compaq, Tandy, and millions of others are by far the most popular, with about 70 million machines in use worldwide. Macintosh fans, on the other hand, may note that cockroaches are far more numerous than humans, and that numbers alone do not denote a higher life form.

If it wasn't for lawyers, we wouldn't need them.

To jaw-jaw is always better than to war-war.

To jaw-jaw is always better than to war-war.

If everything seems under control, you're just not going fast enough.

It's wonderful to be here in the great state of Chicago.

God gave men both a penis and a brain, but unfortunately not enough blood supply to run both at the same time.

I'm not into working out. My philosophy: No pain, no pain.

The shepherd always tries to persuade the sheep that their interests and his own are the same.

Most people would sooner die than think; in fact, they do so.

I'd stop eating chocolate, but I'm no quitter.

If you give a man a fish, he will eat for today. If you teach him to fish, he'll understand why some people think golf is exciting.

Humor is just another defense against the universe.

Humor is just another defense against the universe.

Sometimes I lie awake at night, and I ask, 'Where have I gone wrong?' Then a voice says to me, 'This is going to take more than one night.'

The secret of a good sermon is to have a good beginning and a good ending, then having the two as close together as possible.

When his life was ruined, his family killed, his farm destroyed, Job knelt down on the ground and yelled up to the heavens, 'Why god? Why me?' and the thundering voice of God answered, 'There's just something about you that pisses me off.'

I've never seen anyone change his mind because of the power of a superior argument or the acquisition of new facts. But I've seen plenty of people change behavior to avoid being mocked.

I've never seen anyone change his mind because of the power of a superior argument or the acquisition of new facts. But I've seen plenty of people change behavior to avoid being mocked.

2 + 2 = 5, for extremely large values of 2.

You got to be careful if you don't know where you're going, because you might not get there.

To sit alone with my conscience will be judgment enough for me.

Computers make it easier to do a lot of things, but most of the things they make it easier to do don't need to be done.

One morning I shot a bear in my pajamas. How it got into my pajamas I'll never know.

One morning I shot a bear in my pajamas. How it got into my pajamas I'll never know.

There are only two tragedies in life: one is not getting what one wants, and the other is getting it.

If you were plowing a field, which would you rather use? Two strong oxen or 1024 chickens?

Pray, v.: To ask that the laws of the universe be annulled on behalf of a single petitioner confessedly unworthy.

The surest way to corrupt a youth is to instruct him to hold in higher esteem those who think alike than those who think differently

They say such nice things about people at their funerals that it makes me sad that I'm going to miss mine by just a few days.

There are some experiences in life which should not be demanded twice from any man, and one of them is listening to the Brahms Requiem.

Research is what I'm doing when I don't know what I'm doing.

The first half of our life is ruined by our parents and the second half by our children.

Did you ever walk in a room and forget why you walked in? I think that's how dogs spend their lives.

The fear of death is the most unjustified of all fears, for there's no risk of accident for someone who's dead.

A bird in the hand makes it hard to blow your nose.

If Al Gore invented the Internet, I invented spell check.

If Al Gore invented the Internet, I invented spell check.

Ever stop to think, and forget to start again?

I choose a block of marble and chop off whatever I don't need.

I am not young enough to know everything.

Black holes are where God divided by zero.

The years of peak mental activity are undoubtedly between the ages of four and eighteen. At four we know all the questions, at eighteen all the answers.

The years of peak mental activity are undoubtedly between the ages of four and eighteen. At four we know all the questions, at eighteen all the answers.

The years of peak mental activity are undoubtedly between the ages of four and eighteen. At four we know all the questions, at eighteen all the answers.

Multitasking /adj./ 3 PCs and a chair with wheels !

If everything seems under control, you're just not going fast enough.

I've had a wonderful time, but this wasn't it.

[War] might be avoidable were more emphasis placed on the training to social interest, less on the attainment of egotistical grandeur.

A child of five could understand this. Fetch me a child of five.

My neighbour asked if he could use my lawnmower and I told him of course he could, so long as he didn't take it out of my garden.

Not everything that can be counted counts, and not everything that counts can be counted.

I am not young enough to know everything.

Either he's dead or my watch has stopped.

Either he's dead or my watch has stopped.

Either he's dead or my watch has stopped.

We don't like their sound, and guitar music is on the way out.

Thank you for sending me a copy of your book - I'll waste no time reading it.

If there’s one thing I know it’s God does love a good joke.

C makes it easy to shoot yourself in the foot; C++ makes it harder, but when you do, it blows away your whole leg.

I do not fear computers. I fear the lack of them.

You cannot depend on your eyes when your imagination is out of focus.

I admire the Pope. I have a lot of respect for anyone who can tour without an album.

I admire the Pope. I have a lot of respect for anyone who can tour without an album.

If Stupidity got us into this mess, then why can't it get us out?

If you need more than five lines to prove something, then you are on the wrong track

If you need more than five lines to prove something, then you are on the wrong track

What is morally wrong can never be advantageous, even when it enables you to make some gain that you believe to be to your advantage.

Honolulu, it's got everything. Sand for the children, sun for the wife, and sharks for the wife's mother.

Honolulu, it's got everything. Sand for the children, sun for the wife, and sharks for the wife's mother.

Honolulu, it's got everything. Sand for the children, sun for the wife, and sharks for the wife's mother.

There are people in the world so hungry, that God cannot appear to them except in the form of bread.

A low voter turnout is an indication of fewer people going to the polls.

A [pseudo]random number generator is much like sex: when it's good it's wonderful, and when it's bad it's still pretty good.

Those are my principles. If you don't like them I have others.

Argue for your limitations, and sure enough they're yours.

Any fool can criticize, condemn, and complain - and most fools do.

Manuscript: something submitted in haste and returned at leisure.

If it wasn't for muscle spasms, I wouldn't get any exercise at all.

Show me a sane man and I will cure him for you.

The artist is nothing without the gift, but the gift is nothing without work.

I agree with the reforms, but I want nothing to change

Everything is drive-through. In California, they even have a burial service called Jump-In-The-Box.

God gave men both a penis and a brain, but unfortunately not enough blood supply to run both at the same time.

I have not failed. I've just found 10,000 ways that won't work.

A child of five could understand this. Fetch me a child of five.

A child of five could understand this. Fetch me a child of five.

If you put tomfoolery into a computer, nothing comes out of it but tomfoolery. But this tomfoolery, having passed through a very expensive machine, is somehow enobled and no-one dares criticize it.

Sometimes when reading Goethe I have the paralyzing suspicion that he is trying to be funny.

Heav'n hath no rage like love to hatred turn'd, Nor Hell a fury, like a woman scorn'd.

Humor is the only test of gravity, and gravity of humor; for a subject which will not bear raillery is suspicious, and a jest which will not bear serious examination is false wit.

One morning I shot a bear in my pajamas. How it got into my pajamas I'll never know.

I have seen the future and it is just like the present, only longer.

Having the source code is the difference between buying a house and renting an apartment.

Having the source code is the difference between buying a house and renting an apartment.

Smith & Wesson — the original point and click interface.

We are Dyslexia of Borg. Fusistance is retile. Your ass will be laminated.

Ah, you know the type. They like to blame it all on the Jews or the Blacks, 'cause if they couldn't, they'd have to wake up to the fact that life's one big, scary, glorious, complex and ultimately unfathomable crapshoot -- and the only reason THEY can't seem to keep up is they're a bunch of misfits and losers.

Ah, you know the type. They like to blame it all on the Jews or the Blacks, 'cause if they couldn't, they'd have to wake up to the fact that life's one big, scary, glorious, complex and ultimately unfathomable crapshoot -- and the only reason THEY can't seem to keep up is they're a bunch of misfits and losers.

Humor is the only test of gravity, and gravity of humor; for a subject which will not bear raillery is suspicious, and a jest which will not bear serious examination is false wit.

Humor is the only test of gravity, and gravity of humor; for a subject which will not bear raillery is suspicious, and a jest which will not bear serious examination is false wit.

The years of peak mental activity are undoubtedly between the ages of four and eighteen. At four we know all the questions, at eighteen all the answers.

I can write better than anybody who can write faster, and I can write faster than anybody who can write better.

Against stupidity the (very) gods themselves contend in vain

I have an existential map; it has 'you are here' written all over it.

The most likely way for the world to be destroyed, most experts agree, is by accident. That's where we come in; we're computer professionals. We cause accidents.

Analyzing humor is like dissecting a frog. Few people are interested and the frog dies of it.

The only rules comedy can tolerate are those of taste, and the only limitations those of libel.

Fill what's empty, empty what's full, and scratch where it itches.

Misunderstandings and neglect create more confusion in this world than trickery and malice. At any rate, the last two are certainly much less frequent.

My advice to you is get married: if you find a good wife you'll be happy; if not, you'll become a philosopher.

War doesn't make boys men, it makes men dead.

We must all hear the universal call to like your neighbor like you like to be liked yourself.

If you believe in telekinesis, raise my hand.

If people are good only because they fear punishment, and hope for reward, then we are a sorry lot indeed.

Incrementing C by 1 is not enough to make a good object-oriented language.

Getting an education was a bit like a communicable sexual disease. It made you unsuitable for a lot of jobs and then you had the urge to pass it on.

Conservatives are not necessarily stupid, but most stupid people are conservatives

What I am against is quotas. I am against hard quotas, quotas they basically delineate based upon whatever. However they delineate, quotas, I think, vulcanize society. So I don't know how that fits into what everybody else is saying, their relative positions, but that's my position.

Our children are not born to hate, they are raised to hate.

An intellectual is someone who has found something more interesting than sex.

We've all heard that a million monkeys banging on a million typewriters will eventually reproduce the entire works of Shakespeare. Now, thanks to the Internet, we know this is not true.

Barabási's Law of Programming: Program development ends when the program does what you expect it to do — whether it is correct or not.

Give me chastity and continence, but not yet.

Blessed is the man, who having nothing to say, abstains from giving wordy evidence of the fact.

I once heard two ladies going on and on about the pains of childbirth and how men don't seem to know what real pain is. I asked if either of them ever got themselves caught in a zipper.

Distrust any enterprise that requires new clothes.

Ah well, then I suppose I shall have to die beyond my means.

Every day I get up and look through the Forbes list of the richest people in America. If I'm not there, I go to work.

Be nice to people on your way up because you meet them on your way down.

Having the source code is the difference between buying a house and renting an apartment.

A friendship founded on business is better than a business founded on friendship.

The internet is not something you just dump something on. It's not a truck. It's a series of tubes!

They have computers, and they may have other weapons of mass destruction.

There are people in the world so hungry, that God cannot appear to them except in the form of bread.

Emulate your heros, but don't carry it too far. Especially if they are dead.

I have six locks on my door, all in a row. When I go out, I lock every other one. I figure no matter how long somebody stands there picking the locks, they are always locking three of them.

Humor is the only test of gravity, and gravity of humor; for a subject which will not bear raillery is suspicious, and a jest which will not bear serious examination is false wit.

2 + 2 = 5, for extremely large values of 2.

Obstacles are those frightful things you see when you take your eyes off your goal.

The problem with people who have no vices is that generally you can be pretty sure they're going to have some pretty annoying virtues.

Is your argument that the Creator of the Universe was working under a deadline and His manager forced Him to rush inefficient designs into production?

Opportunities multiply as they are seized.

Attention to health is life's greatest hindrance.

A [pseudo]random number generator is much like sex: when it's good it's wonderful, and when it's bad it's still pretty good.

If it wasn't for lawyers, we wouldn't need them.

I can write better than anybody who can write faster, and I can write faster than anybody who can write better.

I have yet to meet a C compiler that is more friendly and easier to use than eating soup with a knife.

Sex is like air. It's only a big deal if you can't get any.

Not everything that can be counted counts, and not everything that counts can be counted.

The secret of creativity is knowing how to hide your sources.

He can compress the most words into the smallest idea of any man I know.

War doesn't make boys men, it makes men dead.

If you put tomfoolery into a computer, nothing comes out of it but tomfoolery. But this tomfoolery, having passed through a very expensive machine, is somehow enobled and no-one dares criticize it.

The use of anthropomorphic terminology when dealing with computing systems is a symptom of professional immaturity.

The use of anthropomorphic terminology when dealing with computing systems is a symptom of professional immaturity.

The use of anthropomorphic terminology when dealing with computing systems is a symptom of professional immaturity.

Gentleman: Knows how to play the bagpipes, but doesn't.

Sex is like air. It's only a big deal if you can't get any.

If quantum physics doesn't confuse you then you don't understand it.

And the clueless shall spend their time reinventing the wheel while the elite merely use the Wordstar key mappings

And the clueless shall spend their time reinventing the wheel while the elite merely use the Wordstar key mappings

Behind every successful man is a woman, behind her is his wife.

Good people do not need laws to tell them to act responsibly, while bad people will find a way around the laws.

The worst crimes were dared by a few, willed by more and tolerated by all.

The worst crimes were dared by a few, willed by more and tolerated by all.

Argue for your limitations, and sure enough they're yours.

We don't like their sound, and guitar music is on the way out.

Modern capitalism is not about free markets, it is about building sufficient mass that the market gravitationally collapses around you.

So I rang up a local building firm, I said 'I want a skip outside my house.' He said 'I'm not stopping you.'

Chaos Theory is a new theory invented by scientists panicked by the thought that the public were beginning to understand the old ones.

If Tyranny and Oppression come to this land, it will be in the guise of fighting a foreign enemy.

We don't make mistakes, we just have happy little accidents.

Against stupidity the (very) gods themselves contend in vain

Just discovered this blog through Yahoo, what a way to brighten up my day!

A husband is what is left of the lover after the nerve has been extracted.

About the use of language: it is impossible to sharpen a pencil with a blunt axe. It is equally vain to try to do it with ten blunt axes instead.

Should array indices start at 0 or 1? My compromise of 0.5 was rejected without, I thought, proper consideration.

Ketchup left overnight on dinner plates has a longer half-life than radioactive waste.

I have seen the future and it is just like the present, only longer.

Genius may have its limitations, but stupidity is not thus handicapped.

Opportunities multiply as they are seized.

Success usually comes to those who are too busy to be looking for it

A scholar who cherishes the love of comfort is not fit to be deemed a scholar.

Humor is just another defense against the universe.

A coward is a hero with a wife, kids, and a mortgage.

Most people would sooner die than think; in fact, they do so.

Most people would sooner die than think; in fact, they do so.

Most people would sooner die than think; in fact, they do so.

True. When your hammer is C++, everything begins to look like a thumb.

True. When your hammer is C++, everything begins to look like a thumb.

If people are good only because they fear punishment, and hope for reward, then we are a sorry lot indeed.

If the United Nations once admits that international disputes can be settled by using force, then we will have destroyed the foundation of the organization and our best hope of establishing a world order.

Pray, v.: To ask that the laws of the universe be annulled on behalf of a single petitioner confessedly unworthy.

The worst barbarity of war is that it forces men collectively to commit acts against which individually they would revolt with their whole being.

All sorts of computer errors are now turning up. You'd be surprised to know the number of doctors who claim they are treating pregnant men.

I don't even butter my bread; I consider that cooking.

I don't even butter my bread; I consider that cooking.

Life would be so much easier if we could just see the source code.

Beware of computer programmers that carry screwdrivers.

Beware of computer programmers that carry screwdrivers.

Is your argument that the Creator of the Universe was working under a deadline and His manager forced Him to rush inefficient designs into production?

Never test for an error condition you don't know how to handle.

Never test for an error condition you don't know how to handle.

Distrust any enterprise that requires new clothes.

Good people do not need laws to tell them to act responsibly, while bad people will find a way around the laws.

Hofstadter's Law: It always takes longer than you expect, even when you take into account Hofstadter's Law.

Sterling's Corollary to Clarke's Law: Any sufficiently advanced garbage is indistinguishable from magic.

Life is pleasant. Death is peaceful. It's the transition that's troublesome.

One out of every three Americans is suffering from some form of mental illness. Think of two of your best friends. If they are OK, then it must be you.

Only one man ever understood me, and he didn't understand me.

Object-oriented programming is an exceptionally bad idea which could only have originated in California.

Is it not a strange blindness on our part to teach publicly the techniques of warfare and to reward with medals those who prove to be the most adroit killers?

I've just learned about his illness. Let's hope it's nothing trivial.

We don't like their sound, and guitar music is on the way out.

If the brain were so simple we could understand it, we would be so simple we couldn't.

If the brain were so simple we could understand it, we would be so simple we couldn't.

If the brain were so simple we could understand it, we would be so simple we couldn't.

Under conditions of competition, standards are set by the morally least reputable agent.

Because I do it with one small ship, I am called a terrorist. You do it with a whole fleet and are called an emperor.

I am ready to meet my Maker. Whether my Maker is prepared for the great ordeal of meeting me is another matter.

The wit makes fun of other persons; the satirist makes fun of the world; the humorist makes fun of himself.

He has all the virtues I dislike and none of the vices I admire.

From the moment I picked your book up until I laid it down I was convulsed with laughter. Some day I intend reading it.

Death does not concern us, because as long as we exist, death is not here. And when it does come, we no longer exist.

Yes, I'm fat, but you're ugly and I can go on a diet.

The difference between what the most and the least learned people know is inexpressibly trivial in relation to that which is unknown.

Forgive your enemies, but never forget their names.

Common sense is the collection of prejudices acquired by age eighteen.

Odd , your posting turns up with a dark hue to it, what shade is the primary color on your webpage?

Just to let you know your web page appears a little bit different on Firefox on my pc with Linux .

Emulate your heros, but don't carry it too far. Especially if they are dead.

There is no sincerer love than the love of food.

The worst crimes were dared by a few, willed by more and tolerated by all.

I like the blog site layout ! How do you make it!? It's really sweet!

Clothes make the man. Naked people have little or no influence on society.

Because I do it with one small ship, I am called a terrorist. You do it with a whole fleet and are called an emperor.

For if he like a madman lived, At least he like a wise one died.

I have often regretted my speech, never my silence.

I have often regretted my speech, never my silence.

I Will have to visit again whenever my course load lets up - nonetheless I am taking your Feed so i could go through your internet site offline. Thanks.

Comedy is simply a funny way of being serious.

Ask her to wait a moment - I am almost done.

Modern capitalism is not about free markets, it is about building sufficient mass that the market gravitationally collapses around you.

Patriotism means to stand by the country. It does not mean to stand by the president or any other public official...

I have spoken many a word, therefore, it is fact.

All truth passes through three stages. First, it is ridiculed. Second, it is violently opposed. Third, it is accepted as being self-evident.

In any contest between power and patience, bet on patience.

In any contest between power and patience, bet on patience.

Politicians are like diapers. They should be changed often, and for the same reason.

Politicians are like diapers. They should be changed often, and for the same reason.

If electricity comes from electrons, does that mean that morality comes from morons?

Heav'n hath no rage like love to hatred turn'd, Nor Hell a fury, like a woman scorn'd.

The graveyards are full of indispensable men.

I just bought a Mac to help me design the next Cray.

The most likely way for the world to be destroyed, most experts agree, is by accident. That's where we come in; we're computer professionals. We cause accidents.

Love: The warm feeling you get towards someone who meets your neurotic needs.

Anyone who considers arithmetical methods of producing random digits is, of course, in a state of sin.

O'Toole's Corollary of Finagle's Law: The perversity of the Universe tends towards a maximum.

He had decided to live forever or die in the attempt.

I could not possibly fail to disagree with you less.

I hate those men who would send into war youth to fight and die for them; the pride and cowardice of those old men, making their wars that boys must die.

I hate those men who would send into war youth to fight and die for them; the pride and cowardice of those old men, making their wars that boys must die.

Invading Iraq after 9/11 was like invading Mexico after Pearl Harbor.

Show me a sane man and I will cure him for you.

I must confess, I was born at a very early age.

I must confess, I was born at a very early age.

I must confess, I was born at a very early age.

I must confess, I was born at a very early age.

I have got one idea for your weblog. It seems like right now there are a few cascading stylesheet problems while launching a selection of webpages inside google chrome as well as firefox. It is running alright in internet explorer. Possibly you can double check this.

Researchers have discovered that chocolate produces some of the same reactions in the brain as marijuana. The researchers also discovered other similarities between the two but can't remember what they are.

The instinct of nearly all societies is to lock up anybody who is truly free. First, society begins by trying to beat you up. If this fails, they try to poison you. If this fails too, the finish by loading honors on your head.

I want to die in my sleep like my grandfather... not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car...

Fill the unforgiving minute with sixty seconds worth of distance run.

Where are we going, and why am I in this handbasket?

All truth passes through three stages. First, it is ridiculed. Second, it is violently opposed. Third, it is accepted as being self-evident.

Believe those who are seeking the truth. Doubt those who find it.

If the brain were so simple we could understand it, we would be so simple we couldn't.

When you do the common things in life in an uncommon way, you will command the attention of the world.

Deliver yesterday, code today, think tomorrow.

The difference between pornography and erotica is lighting.

The difference between pornography and erotica is lighting.

I have never let my schooling interfere with my education.

And the clueless shall spend their time reinventing the wheel while the elite merely use the Wordstar key mappings

The problem with people who have no vices is that generally you can be pretty sure they're going to have some pretty annoying virtues.

There is no idea so simple and powerful that you can't get zillions of people to misunderstand it.

Sex is like a Chinese dinner. It isn't over until everyone gets their cookies.

The backbone of surprise is fusing speed with secrecy.

If FORTRAN has been called an infantile disorder, then PL/I must be classified as a fatal disease.

I want to die in my sleep like my grandfather... not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car...

Reality is merely an illusion, albeit a very persistent one.

To err is human -- and to blame it on a computer is even more so.

I was raised in the Jewish tradition, taught never to marry a Gentile woman, shave on a Saturday night and, most especially, never to shave a Gentile woman on a Saturday night.

I'm very proud of my gold pocket watch. My grandfather, on his deathbed, sold me this watch.

Go on, get out. Last words are for fools who haven't said enough.

Never raise your hands to your kids. It leaves your groin unprotected.

Manuscript: something submitted in haste and returned at leisure.

Manuscript: something submitted in haste and returned at leisure.

Manuscript: something submitted in haste and returned at leisure.

Tragedy is when I cut my finger. Comedy is when you walk into an open sewer and die.

The only way to get rid of a temptation is to yield to it.

I once heard two ladies going on and on about the pains of childbirth and how men don't seem to know what real pain is. I asked if either of them ever got themselves caught in a zipper.

I find that the harder I work, the more luck I seem to have.

A sense of humor is part of the art of leadership, of getting along with people, of getting things done.

A sense of humor is part of the art of leadership, of getting along with people, of getting things done.

I have spoken many a word, therefore, it is fact.

To sit alone with my conscience will be judgment enough for me.

I have spoken many a word, therefore, it is fact.

I have spoken many a word, therefore, it is fact.

Many a man's reputation would not know his character if they met on the street.

It's strange, isn't it. You stand in the middle of a library and go 'aaaaagghhhh' and everyone just stares at you. But you do the same thing on an aeroplane, and everyone joins in.

When I was a kid I used to pray every night for a new bicycle. Then I realised that the Lord doesn't work that way so I stole one and asked Him to forgive me.

Computer dating is fine, if you're a computer.

Is your argument that the Creator of the Universe was working under a deadline and His manager forced Him to rush inefficient designs into production?

Humor is also a way of saying something serious.

I'm trying to see things from your point of view but I can't get my head that far up my ass.

Humor is also a way of saying something serious.

I'm trying to see things from your point of view but I can't get my head that far up my ass.

The true measure of a man is how he treats someone who can do him absolutely no good.

There are some experiences in life which should not be demanded twice from any man, and one of them is listening to the Brahms Requiem.

To understand a man you should walk a mile in his shoes. If what he says still bothers you that's ok because you'll be a mile away from him and you'll have his shoes.

Cholesterol is your natural defence against excessive circulation of blood, which can carry venoms, poisons and other toxins around your body.

Ask her to wait a moment - I am almost done.

He managed to stupid himself right into the White House.

Sex is like a Chinese dinner. It isn't over until everyone gets their cookies.

Sex is like a Chinese dinner. It isn't over until everyone gets their cookies.

Sex is like a Chinese dinner. It isn't over until everyone gets their cookies.

Sex is like a Chinese dinner. It isn't over until everyone gets their cookies.

Ask people why they have deer heads on their walls and they tell you it's because they're such beautiful animals. I think my wife is beautiful, but I only have photographs of her on the wall.

Ask people why they have deer heads on their walls and they tell you it's because they're such beautiful animals. I think my wife is beautiful, but I only have photographs of her on the wall.

Once you've written TBicycle, you never forget how.

If there’s one thing I know it’s God does love a good joke.

It is time I stepped aside for a less experienced and less able man.

Real Programmers always confuse Christmas and Halloween because Oct31 == Dec25 !

The pen is mightier than the sword, and considerably easier to write with.

From the moment I picked your book up until I laid it down I was convulsed with laughter. Some day I intend reading it.

I'm fed up to the ears with old men dreaming up wars for young men to die in.

Once you eliminate the impossible, whatever remains, no matter how improbable, must be the truth.

The perfect computer has been developed. You just feed in your problems and they never come out again.

Behind every great fortune there is a crime.

Behind every great fortune there is a crime.

I think there is a world market for maybe five computers.

The man who goes alone can start today; but he who travels with another must wait till that other is ready.

The secret to creativity is knowing how to hide your sources.

Everybody's worried about stopping terrorism. Well, there's a really easy way: stop participating in it.

A model is done when nothing else can be taken out.

The power of accurate observation is frequently called cynicism by those who don't have it.

Maybe there is no actual place called hell. Maybe hell is just having to listen to our grandparents breathe through their noses when they're eating sandwiches.

An intellectual is someone who has found something more interesting than sex.

It is much more comfortable to be mad and know it, than to be sane and have one's doubts.

Early to rise, Early to bed, Makes a man healthy but socially dead.

The worst barbarity of war is that it forces men collectively to commit acts against which individually they would revolt with their whole being.

Education is a progressive discovery of our own ignorance.

Education is a progressive discovery of our own ignorance.

A child of five could understand this. Fetch me a child of five.

A child of five could understand this. Fetch me a child of five.

Not only is there no God, but you try getting a plumber at weekends.

It's wonderful to be here in the great state of Chicago.

When I am dead, I hope it may be said: 'His sins were scarlet but his books were read.

Imagine if every Thursday your shoes exploded if you tied them the usual way. This happens to us all the time with computers, and nobody thinks of complaining.

Imagine if every Thursday your shoes exploded if you tied them the usual way. This happens to us all the time with computers, and nobody thinks of complaining.

Imagine if every Thursday your shoes exploded if you tied them the usual way. This happens to us all the time with computers, and nobody thinks of complaining.

UNIX is basically a simple operating system, but you have to be a genius to understand the simplicity.

The backbone of surprise is fusing speed with secrecy.

Victory goes to the player who makes the next-to-last mistake.

A man's only as old as the woman he feels.

A man's only as old as the woman he feels.

Computers make it easier to do a lot of things, but most of the things they make it easier to do don't need to be done.

Computers make it easier to do a lot of things, but most of the things they make it easier to do don't need to be done.

The fear of death is the most unjustified of all fears, for there's no risk of accident for someone who's dead.

Men are not disturbed by things, but the view they take of things.

Men are not disturbed by things, but the view they take of things.

Money is better than poverty, if only for financial reasons.

I heard someone tried the monkeys-on-typewriters bit trying for the plays of W. Shakespeare, but all they got was the collected works of Francis Bacon.

The only rules comedy can tolerate are those of taste, and the only limitations those of libel.

Sometimes, the best answer is a more interesting question

We have art to save ourselves from the truth.

Support your local Search and Rescue unit -- get lost.

When the rich think about the poor, they have poor ideas.

wbuoonl downloader for youtube leckyz

I have not failed. I've just found 10,000 ways that won't work.

A terrorist is someone who has a bomb, but doesn't have an air force.

Every normal man must be tempted at times to spit upon his hands, hoist the black flag, and begin slitting throats.

Don't drive me crazy -- it's within walking distance.

A fast word about oral contraception. I asked a girl to go to bed with me, she said 'no'.

The nice thing about egotists is that they don't talk about other people.

My current job sucks so hard, black holes are going green with envy.

My current job sucks so hard, black holes are going green with envy.

In this world, nothing is certain but death and taxes.

C combines all the power of assembly language with the ease of use of assembly language

Have you thought about adding some videos to the article? I think it will really enhance viewers' understanding.

If you believe in telekinesis, raise my hand.

I Can't Think Of Anything Reasonable To Counter Your Argument Or Don't Have The Least Inkling Of The Subject So I Will Resort To Name Calling And Hope I Can Get Away With It.

A good sermon should be like a woman's skirt: short enough to arouse interest but long enough to cover the essentials.

What I am against is quotas. I am against hard quotas, quotas they basically delineate based upon whatever. However they delineate, quotas, I think, vulcanize society. So I don't know how that fits into what everybody else is saying, their relative positions, but that's my position.

In theory, there is no difference between theory and practice. But, in practice, there is.

In theory, there is no difference between theory and practice. But, in practice, there is.

Moral indignation is jealousy with a halo.

In science one tries to tell people, in such a way as to be understood by everyone, something that no one ever knew before. But in poetry, it's the exact opposite.

It is time I stepped aside for a less experienced and less able man.

It is time I stepped aside for a less experienced and less able man.

I have six locks on my door, all in a row. When I go out, I lock every other one. I figure no matter how long somebody stands there picking the locks, they are always locking three of them.

It's impossible to experience one's death objectively and still carry a tune.

I was playing poker the other night... with Tarot cards. I got a full house and 4 people died.

It's clearly a budget. It's got a lot of numbers in it.

Once you eliminate the impossible, whatever remains, no matter how improbable, must be the truth.

So I was getting into my car, and this bloke says to me

Friends may come and go, but enemies accumulate.

Computers are useless; they can only give you answers.

Those are my principles. If you don't like them I have others.

War doesn't make boys men, it makes men dead.

War doesn't make boys men, it makes men dead.

A fast word about oral contraception. I asked a girl to go to bed with me, she said 'no'.

The most likely way for the world to be destroyed, most experts agree, is by accident. That's where we come in; we're computer professionals. We cause accidents.

The most likely way for the world to be destroyed, most experts agree, is by accident. That's where we come in; we're computer professionals. We cause accidents.

The most likely way for the world to be destroyed, most experts agree, is by accident. That's where we come in; we're computer professionals. We cause accidents.

The most likely way for the world to be destroyed, most experts agree, is by accident. That's where we come in; we're computer professionals. We cause accidents.

Mother-in-law = A woman who destroys her son-in-law's peace of mind by giving him a piece of hers.

There are two ways of constructing a software design; one way is to make it so simple that there are obviously no deficiencies, and the other way is to make it so complicated that there are no obvious deficiencies. The first method is far more difficult.

There are two ways of constructing a software design; one way is to make it so simple that there are obviously no deficiencies, and the other way is to make it so complicated that there are no obvious deficiencies. The first method is far more difficult.

In Germany they first came for the Communists, and I didn't speak up because I wasn't a Communist. Then they came for the Jews, and I didn't speak up because I wasn't a Jew. Then they came for the trade unionists, and I didn't speak up because I wasn't a trade unionist. Then they came for the Catholics, and I didn't speak up because I was a Protestant. Then they came for me - and by that time no one was left to speak up.

It was God who made me so beautiful. If I weren't, then I'd be a teacher.

Everything secret degenerates, even the administration of justice.

Fill what's empty, empty what's full, and scratch where it itches.

Fill what's empty, empty what's full, and scratch where it itches.

Fill what's empty, empty what's full, and scratch where it itches.

Fill what's empty, empty what's full, and scratch where it itches.

I don't pray because I don't want to bore God.

I'm not a member of any organized political party, I'm a Democrat!

Love: The warm feeling you get towards someone who meets your neurotic needs.

If we knew what it was we were doing, it would not be called research, would it?

Quoting Coulter is kind of like quoting Joe McCarthy; no doubt it does well when you're pandering to a group of like-minded hate mongerers, but it earns you a well-deserved reputation as a vicious, mean-spirited airhead and intellecual lightweight in more analytical and dispassionate circles.

Politically Correct UNIX System VI Release notes

I shall not waste my days in trying to prolong them.

I do not fear computers. I fear the lack of them.

The most overlooked advantage of owning a computer is that if they foul up there's no law against whacking them around a bit.

The secret of success is to know something nobody else knows.

One doesn't have a sense of humor. It has you.

C++: an octopus made by nailing extra legs onto a dog

Those are my principles. If you don't like them I have others.

You got to be careful if you don't know where you're going, because you might not get there.

There is no idea so simple and powerful that you can't get zillions of people to misunderstand it.

Only one man ever understood me, and he didn't understand me.

Not everything that can be counted counts, and not everything that counts can be counted.

An inconvenience is only an adventure wrongly considered; an adventure is an inconvenience rightly considered.

Millions long for immortality who do not know what to do with themselves on a rainy Sunday afternoon.

Puritanism: The haunting fear that someone, somewhere, may be happy.

To love oneself is the beginning of a lifelong romance

Computer Science is no more about computers than astronomy is about telescopes

God is a comedian playing to an audience too afraid to laugh.

It's not the size of the dog in the fight, it's the size of the fight in the dog.

Conservatives are not necessarily stupid, but most stupid people are conservatives

Chaos Theory is a new theory invented by scientists panicked by the thought that the public were beginning to understand the old ones.

The full use of your powers along lines of excellence.

Everyone is a genius at least once a year; a real genius has his original ideas closer together.

I'm fed up to the ears with old men dreaming up wars for young men to die in.

I'm fed up to the ears with old men dreaming up wars for young men to die in.

It is time I stepped aside for a less experienced and less able man.

It is time I stepped aside for a less experienced and less able man.

Yes, I'm fat, but you're ugly and I can go on a diet.

Hofstadter's Law: It always takes longer than you expect, even when you take into account Hofstadter's Law.

Hofstadter's Law: It always takes longer than you expect, even when you take into account Hofstadter's Law.

Hofstadter's Law: It always takes longer than you expect, even when you take into account Hofstadter's Law.

Hofstadter's Law: It always takes longer than you expect, even when you take into account Hofstadter's Law.

tkpnfhbbarzrqvojwbqi, http://www.lpcqlxlyov.com jeqqajykbq

Humor is the great thing, the saving thing. The minute it crops up, all our irritations and resentments slip away and a sunny spirit takes their place.

A printer consists of three main parts: the case, the jammed paper tray and the blinking red light

A printer consists of three main parts: the case, the jammed paper tray and the blinking red light

You can pretend to be serious; you can't pretend to be witty.

Yes, I'm fat, but you're ugly and I can go on a diet.

Humor is just another defense against the universe.

Incrementing C by 1 is not enough to make a good object-oriented language.

If you give a man a fish, he will eat for today. If you teach him to fish, he'll understand why some people think golf is exciting.

I admire the Pope. I have a lot of respect for anyone who can tour without an album.

Friends may come and go, but enemies accumulate.

They laughed when I said I'd be a comedian. They aren't laughing now.

The shepherd always tries to persuade the sheep that their interests and his own are the same.

Fill the unforgiving minute with sixty seconds worth of distance run.

A fast word about oral contraception. I asked a girl to go to bed with me, she said 'no'.

A doctor can bury his mistakes but an architect can only advise his clients to plant vines.

If Tyranny and Oppression come to this land, it will be in the guise of fighting a foreign enemy.

The pen is mightier than the sword, and considerably easier to write with.

Real punks help little old ladies across the street because it shocks more people than if they spit on the sidewalk.

Am I lightheaded because I'm not dead or because I'm still alive?

Computer /nm./: a device designed to speed and automate errors.

Mr. Wagner has beautiful moments but bad quarters of an hour.

Mr. Wagner has beautiful moments but bad quarters of an hour.

C makes it easy to shoot yourself in the foot; C++ makes it harder, but when you do, it blows away your whole leg.

I find that the harder I work, the more luck I seem to have.

About the use of language: it is impossible to sharpen a pencil with a blunt axe. It is equally vain to try to do it with ten blunt axes instead.

Cholesterol is your natural defence against excessive circulation of blood, which can carry venoms, poisons and other toxins around your body.

All truth passes through three stages. First, it is ridiculed. Second, it is violently opposed. Third, it is accepted as being self-evident.

Cholesterol is your natural defence against excessive circulation of blood, which can carry venoms, poisons and other toxins around your body.

Cholesterol is your natural defence against excessive circulation of blood, which can carry venoms, poisons and other toxins around your body.

Marry me and I'll never look at another horse!

Time is the best teacher; Unfortunately it kills all its students!

Hearing nuns' confessions is like being stoned to death with popcorn.

Hearing nuns' confessions is like being stoned to death with popcorn.

Hearing nuns' confessions is like being stoned to death with popcorn.

The concept is interesting and well-formed, but in order to earn better than a 'C', the idea must be feasible.

I just bought a Mac to help me design the next Cray.

I do not consider it an insult, but rather a compliment to be called an agnostic. I do not pretend to know where many ignorant men are sure -- that is all that agnosticism means.

Testing proves the presence, not the absence, of bugs.

All are lunatics, but he who can analyze his delusion is called a philosopher.

We're going to turn this team around 360 degrees.

Police arrested two kids yesterday, one was drinking battery acid, the other was eating fireworks. They charged one and let the other one off.

I have six locks on my door, all in a row. When I go out, I lock every other one. I figure no matter how long somebody stands there picking the locks, they are always locking three of them.

The belief in the possibility of a short decisive war appears to be one of the most ancient and dangerous of human illusions.

Inanimate objects can be classified scientifically into three major categories; those that don't work, those that break down and those that get lost.

In this war – as in others – I am less interested in honoring the dead than in preventing the dead.

I was thrown out of college for cheating on the metaphysics exam; I looked into the soul of the boy next to me.

Science is what people understand well enough to explain to a computer. All else is art.

A state of war only serves as an excuse for domestic tyranny.

My opinions might have changed, but not the fact that I am right.

The first half of our life is ruined by our parents and the second half by our children.

I invented the term Object-Oriented, and I can tell you I did not have C++ in mind.

The difference between fiction and reality? Fiction has to make sense.

Build a man a fire, and he'll be warm for a day. Set a man on fire, and he'll be warm for the rest of his life.

Programming today is a race between software engineers striving to build bigger and better idiot-proof programs, and the Universe trying to produce bigger and better idiots. So far, the Universe is winning.

First they ignore you, then they laugh at you, then they fight you, then you win.

They laughed when I said I'd be a comedian. They aren't laughing now.

The right to swing my fist ends where the other man's nose begins.

The difference between fiction and reality? Fiction has to make sense.

A people that values its privileges above its principles soon loses both.

Behind every successful man is a woman, behind her is his wife.

Behind every successful man is a woman, behind her is his wife.

Learning is what most adults will do for a living in the 21st century.

In this war – as in others – I am less interested in honoring the dead than in preventing the dead.

In this war – as in others – I am less interested in honoring the dead than in preventing the dead.

Each problem that I solved became a rule which served afterwards to solve other problems.

A camel is a horse designed by a committee

I'd give my right arm to be ambidextrous.

I have four children which is not bad considering I'm not a Catholic.

Raymond's Law of Software: Given a sufficiently large number of eyeballs, all bugs are shallow.

Time is the best teacher; Unfortunately it kills all its students!

A doctor can bury his mistakes but an architect can only advise his clients to plant vines.

We don't like their sound, and guitar music is on the way out.

We don't like their sound, and guitar music is on the way out.

We don't like their sound, and guitar music is on the way out.

Jesus may love you, but I think you're garbage wrapped in skin.

Believe those who are seeking the truth. Doubt those who find it.

Your Highness, I have no need of this hypothesis.

It is much more comfortable to be mad and know it, than to be sane and have one's doubts.

If it wasn't for lawyers, we wouldn't need them.

Democracy is where you can say what you think even if you don't think.

The perfect computer has been developed. You just feed in your problems and they never come out again.

The perfect computer has been developed. You just feed in your problems and they never come out again.

The perfect computer has been developed. You just feed in your problems and they never come out again.

If FORTRAN has been called an infantile disorder, then PL/I must be classified as a fatal disease.

Humor is by far the most significant activity of the human brain.

A pint of sweat, saves a gallon of blood.

The optimist proclaims that we live in the best of all possible worlds, and the pessimist fears this is true.

A husband is what is left of the lover after the nerve has been extracted.

Never test for an error condition you don't know how to handle.

You have a cough? Go home tonight, eat a whole box of Ex-Lax -- tomorrow you'll be afraid to cough.

Clothes make the man. Naked people have little or no influence on society.

Clothes make the man. Naked people have little or no influence on society.

The worst crimes were dared by a few, willed by more and tolerated by all.

After I'm dead I'd rather have people ask why I have no monument than why I have one.

After I'm dead I'd rather have people ask why I have no monument than why I have one.

Why did God create dentists? -- In his infinite love, he thought it would be charitable to His creatures to let them see what Hell is like, during their lives.

Now, now my good man, this is no time for making enemies.

Comedy is simply a funny way of being serious.

Comedy is simply a funny way of being serious.

Comedy is simply a funny way of being serious.

When did I realize I was God? Well, I was praying and I suddenly realized I was talking to myself.

Egotist: a person more interested in himself than in me.

Show me a sane man and I will cure him for you.

They say such nice things about people at their funerals that it makes me sad that I'm going to miss mine by just a few days.

If absolute power corrupts absolutely, where does that leave God?

Am I lightheaded because I'm not dead or because I'm still alive?

Am I lightheaded because I'm not dead or because I'm still alive?

You can get more with a kind word and a gun than you can with a kind word alone.

It is dangerous to be right when the government is wrong.

Why don't you write books people can read?

Before C++ we had to code all of our bugs by hand; now we inherit them.

The difference between pornography and erotica is lighting.

The difference between pornography and erotica is lighting.

A man can't be too careful in the choice of his enemies.

A poem is never finished, only abandoned.

I think there is a world market for maybe five computers.

Ah, you know the type. They like to blame it all on the Jews or the Blacks, 'cause if they couldn't, they'd have to wake up to the fact that life's one big, scary, glorious, complex and ultimately unfathomable crapshoot -- and the only reason THEY can't seem to keep up is they're a bunch of misfits and losers.

There is no sincerer love than the love of food.

There is no sincerer love than the love of food.

In America, anybody can be president. That's one of the risks you take.

In America, anybody can be president. That's one of the risks you take.

Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it everywhere, diagnosing it incorrectly, and applying the wrong remedies.

Guard against the impostures of pretended patriotism.

Sometimes I lie awake at night, and I ask, 'Where have I gone wrong?' Then a voice says to me, 'This is going to take more than one night.'

The chain reaction of evil -- wars producing more wars -- must be broken, or we shall be plunged into the dark abyss of annihilation.

The only difference between me and a madman is that I'm not mad.

It's the liberal bias. The press is liberally biased to the right.

If you can read this you're not aiming in the right direction.

I've always wanted to be somebody, but I should have been more specific.

Future historians will be able to study at the Jimmy Carter Library, the Gerald Ford Library, the Ronald Reagan Library, and the Bill Clinton Adult Bookstore.

Beware of computer programmers that carry screwdrivers.

Happiness is good health and a bad memory.

It's strange, isn't it. You stand in the middle of a library and go 'aaaaagghhhh' and everyone just stares at you. But you do the same thing on an aeroplane, and everyone joins in.

My opinions might have changed, but not the fact that I am right.

My opinions might have changed, but not the fact that I am right.

The dangerous patriot ... is a defender of militarism and its ideals of war and glory.

Comedy is nothing more than tragedy deferred.

Comedy is nothing more than tragedy deferred.

The great thing about a computer notebook is that no matter how much you stuff into it, it doesn't get bigger or heavier.

Is it not a strange blindness on our part to teach publicly the techniques of warfare and to reward with medals those who prove to be the most adroit killers?

Opportunities multiply as they are seized.

Hi there, what's up you guys???

The object of war is not to die for your country but to make the other bastard die for his.

Love is the answer - but while you're waiting for the answer sex raises some pretty good questions.

If there is no God, who pops up the next Kleenex?

He had decided to live forever or die in the attempt.

The years of peak mental activity are undoubtedly between the ages of four and eighteen. At four we know all the questions, at eighteen all the answers.

Opportunities multiply as they are seized.

Opportunities multiply as they are seized.

How wrong it is for a woman to expect the man to build the world she wants, rather than to create it herself.

I have made this letter longer than usual because I lack the time to make it shorter.

Hi there, what's up you guys???

The graveyards are full of indispensable men.

We need either less corruption or more chance to participate in it.

Death does not concern us, because as long as we exist, death is not here. And when it does come, we no longer exist.

If you take something apart and put it back together again enough times, you will eventually have enough parts left over to build a second one.

Love: The warm feeling you get towards someone who meets your neurotic needs.

Love: The warm feeling you get towards someone who meets your neurotic needs.

Everything that can be invented has been invented.

In the begining there was nothing and God said 'Let there be light', and there was still nothing but everybody could see it.

A bird in the hand makes it hard to blow your nose.

If you put tomfoolery into a computer, nothing comes out of it but tomfoolery. But this tomfoolery, having passed through a very expensive machine, is somehow enobled and no-one dares criticize it.

Gentleman: Knows how to play the bagpipes, but doesn't.

Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it everywhere, diagnosing it incorrectly, and applying the wrong remedies.

Fill the unforgiving minute with sixty seconds worth of distance run.

Everything is drive-through. In California, they even have a burial service called Jump-In-The-Box.

Paramount among the responsibilities of a free press is the duty to prevent any part of the government from deceiving the people.

Under conditions of competition, standards are set by the morally least reputable agent.

I don't care to belong to a club that accepts people like me as members.

If you need more than five lines to prove something, then you are on the wrong track

Pray, v.: To ask that the laws of the universe be annulled on behalf of a single petitioner confessedly unworthy.

The internet is not something you just dump something on. It's not a truck. It's a series of tubes!

Gravity cannot be held responsible for people falling in love.

To the Honourable Member opposite I say, when he goes home tonight, may his mother run out from under the porch and bark at him

Linux is like living in a teepee. No Windows, no Gates, Apache in house.

When ideas fail, words come in very handy.

I don't know why we are here, but I'm pretty sure that it is not in order to enjoy ourselves.

I don't know why we are here, but I'm pretty sure that it is not in order to enjoy ourselves.

It's dangerous to underestimate the intelligence of a customer who grew a business that's successful enough to require a large and complex set of software

All things are possible, except skiing through a revolving door.

A mathematician is a device for turning coffee into theorems.

The most overlooked advantage of owning a computer is that if they foul up there's no law against whacking them around a bit.

The most overlooked advantage of owning a computer is that if they foul up there's no law against whacking them around a bit.

I don't care to belong to a club that accepts people like me as members.

I invented the term Object-Oriented, and I can tell you I did not have C++ in mind.

I'm always amazed to hear of air crash victims so badly mutilated that they have to be identified by their dental records. What I can't understand is, if they don't know who you are, how do they know who your dentist is?

In this war – as in others – I am less interested in honoring the dead than in preventing the dead.

A man can't be too careful in the choice of his enemies.

'Everything you say is boring and incomprehensible', she said, 'but that alone doesn't make it true.'

I think 'Hail to the Chief' has a nice ring to it.

The cynics are right nine times out of ten.

In ancient times they had no statistics so they had to fall back on lies.

Why did God create dentists? -- In his infinite love, he thought it would be charitable to His creatures to let them see what Hell is like, during their lives.

Success usually comes to those who are too busy to be looking for it

Men are not disturbed by things, but the view they take of things.

I can write better than anybody who can write faster, and I can write faster than anybody who can write better.

A woman is an occasional pleasure but a cigar is always a smoke.

Build a man a fire, and he'll be warm for a day. Set a man on fire, and he'll be warm for the rest of his life.

For centuries, theologians have been explaining the unknowable in terms of the-not-worth-knowing.

Don't sweat the petty things, just pet the sweaty things.

Behind every great fortune there is a crime.

Behind every great fortune there is a crime.

Behind every great fortune there is a crime.

Good people do not need laws to tell them to act responsibly, while bad people will find a way around the laws.

UNIX is simple. It just takes a genius to understand its simplicity.

A [pseudo]random number generator is much like sex: when it's good it's wonderful, and when it's bad it's still pretty good.

Heaven is an American salary, a Chinese cook, an English house, and a Japanese wife. Hell is defined as having a Chinese salary, an English cook, a Japanese house, and an American wife.

What I am against is quotas. I am against hard quotas, quotas they basically delineate based upon whatever. However they delineate, quotas, I think, vulcanize society. So I don't know how that fits into what everybody else is saying, their relative positions, but that's my position.

What I am against is quotas. I am against hard quotas, quotas they basically delineate based upon whatever. However they delineate, quotas, I think, vulcanize society. So I don't know how that fits into what everybody else is saying, their relative positions, but that's my position.

It's impossible to experience one's death objectively and still carry a tune.

The fear of death is the most unjustified of all fears, for there's no risk of accident for someone who's dead.

The fear of death is the most unjustified of all fears, for there's no risk of accident for someone who's dead.

The fear of death is the most unjustified of all fears, for there's no risk of accident for someone who's dead.

If I were two-faced, would I be wearing this one?

Future historians will be able to study at the Jimmy Carter Library, the Gerald Ford Library, the Ronald Reagan Library, and the Bill Clinton Adult Bookstore.

He is one of those people who would be enormously improved by death.

He is one of those people who would be enormously improved by death.

Never interrupt your enemy when he is making a mistake.

Let him who takes the Plunge remember to return it by Tuesday.

If all the world's managers were laid end to end, it would be an improvement.

The only difference between me and a madman is that I'm not mad.

Success usually comes to those who are too busy to be looking for it

Where humor is concerned there are no standards - no one can say what is good or bad, although you can be sure that everyone will.

The belief in the possibility of a short decisive war appears to be one of the most ancient and dangerous of human illusions.

This is a fantastic website, could you be interested in working on an interview concerning just how you designed it? If so e-mail me personally!

If I were two-faced, would I be wearing this one?

The only way to combat criminals is by not voting for them.

If you think it's simple, then you have misunderstood the problem.

The object of war is not to die for your country but to make the other bastard die for his.

All our knowledge merely helps us to die a more painful death than animals that know nothing.

Let him who takes the Plunge remember to return it by Tuesday.

Let him who takes the Plunge remember to return it by Tuesday.

It is much more comfortable to be mad and know it, than to be sane and have one's doubts.

I was raised in the Jewish tradition, taught never to marry a Gentile woman, shave on a Saturday night and, most especially, never to shave a Gentile woman on a Saturday night.

Rarely is the question asked: Is our children learning?

The difference between pornography and erotica is lighting.

Whatever is begun in anger ends in shame.

All rights left. All lefts reserved. All reserves removed. All removes right.

A man's only as old as the woman he feels.

If you want to make an apple pie from scratch, you must first create the universe.

I don't care to belong to a club that accepts people like me as members.

I'm Jewish. I don't work out. If God had wanted us to bend over, He would have put diamonds on the floor.

When you hear hoofbeats, think of horses, not zebras.

I never miss a chance to have sex or appear on television.

You're about as useful as a one-legged man at an arse kicking contest.

I have seen the future and it is just like the present, only longer.

I have seen the future and it is just like the present, only longer.

ASCII stupid question, get a stupid ANSI !

The wireless music box has no imaginable commercial value. Who would pay for a message sent to nobody in particular?

I Can't Think Of Anything Reasonable To Counter Your Argument Or Don't Have The Least Inkling Of The Subject So I Will Resort To Name Calling And Hope I Can Get Away With It.

God is a comedian playing to an audience too afraid to laugh.

Java: the elegant simplicity of C++ and the blazing speed of Smalltalk.

Java: the elegant simplicity of C++ and the blazing speed of Smalltalk.

Java: the elegant simplicity of C++ and the blazing speed of Smalltalk.

Premature optimization is the root of all evil.

Beware of computer programmers that carry screwdrivers.

Now, now my good man, this is no time for making enemies.

Black holes are where God divided by zero.

Humor is also a way of saying something serious.

A little inaccuracy sometimes saves a ton of explanation.

When ideas fail, words come in very handy.

Experience is what you get when you were expecting something else.

Only a free and unrestrained press can effectively expose deception in government.

Only a free and unrestrained press can effectively expose deception in government.

Only a free and unrestrained press can effectively expose deception in government.

The object of war is not to die for your country but to make the other bastard die for his.

A man can't be too careful in the choice of his enemies.

Hofstadter's Law: It always takes longer than you expect, even when you take into account Hofstadter's Law.

If you are going through hell, keep going.

If the brain were so simple we could understand it, we would be so simple we couldn't.

If the brain were so simple we could understand it, we would be so simple we couldn't.

If the brain were so simple we could understand it, we would be so simple we couldn't.

Always do right- this will gratify some and astonish the rest.

UNIX is basically a simple operating system, but you have to be a genius to understand the simplicity.

A radioactive cat has eighteen half-lives.

If toast always lands butter-side down, and cats always land on their feet, what happens if you strap toast on the back of a cat and drop it?

If toast always lands butter-side down, and cats always land on their feet, what happens if you strap toast on the back of a cat and drop it?

If toast always lands butter-side down, and cats always land on their feet, what happens if you strap toast on the back of a cat and drop it?

If toast always lands butter-side down, and cats always land on their feet, what happens if you strap toast on the back of a cat and drop it?

It's not the size of the dog in the fight, it's the size of the fight in the dog.

Police arrested two kids yesterday, one was drinking battery acid, the other was eating fireworks. They charged one and let the other one off.

Police arrested two kids yesterday, one was drinking battery acid, the other was eating fireworks. They charged one and let the other one off.

A doctor can bury his mistakes but an architect can only advise his clients to plant vines.

First they ignore you, then they laugh at you, then they fight you, then you win.

I'm not under the alkafluence of inkahol that some thinkle peep I am. It's just the drunker I sit here the longer I get.

Richard Nixon is a no good, lying bastard. He can lie out of both sides of his mouth at the same time, and if he ever caught himself telling the truth, he'd lie just to keep his hand in.

I could not possibly fail to disagree with you less.

I could not possibly fail to disagree with you less.

Glory is fleeting, but obscurity is forever.

It is much more comfortable to be mad and know it, than to be sane and have one's doubts.

Researchers have discovered that chocolate produces some of the same reactions in the brain as marijuana. The researchers also discovered other similarities between the two but can't remember what they are.

Researchers have discovered that chocolate produces some of the same reactions in the brain as marijuana. The researchers also discovered other similarities between the two but can't remember what they are.

Researchers have discovered that chocolate produces some of the same reactions in the brain as marijuana. The researchers also discovered other similarities between the two but can't remember what they are.

Maybe this world is another planet's Hell.

Maybe this world is another planet's Hell.

Maybe this world is another planet's Hell.

Maybe this world is another planet's Hell.

The perfect computer has been developed. You just feed in your problems and they never come out again.

University politics are vicious precisely because the stakes are so small.

University politics are vicious precisely because the stakes are so small.